HOLY FAMILY

Is the family as an institution dead?  It is definitely one of modern society’s worst crisis. When we look at the deteriorating rate of the family as a sociological and primary human group, we are inclined to fear about the disappearance of the very essence of God’s plan of creation. With close to 50 percent divorce rate, and the number of children living with single parents growing at the highest rate in history, we are going to pay a terrible price. Unwed mothers, teenage mothers, single parents, separated or divorced marriages…and the list goes on. There is a growing pessimism and rampant cynicism about marriage and family. So when we Christians speak of a “Holy Family,” we have to go beyond the obvious – Mary, Joseph and Jesus – and start thinking more about marriage and the value of “the nuclear family unit” – mother, father and children. For, as we know, the further back we go into earlier generations/cultures classified as “developing nations”, the larger we find nuclear families: parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts, living under one roof.

And let’s not celebrate feast of the Holy Family thinking of a “marriage made in heaven.” Rather let us look at Joseph, Mary and Jesus as a real family, an earthly family, not a merely pious, miraculous, idealized, out-of-this-world family. And let us also remember that other people living together, or separated from their families in one way or another, may live as a true family: the neighborhood, the church or the group of people brought together by age, social or economic necessities.

One of the Gospels picks up the story when Jesus is already thirty years old. Soon after, Jesus Himself will be with his disciples and say, “Anyone who does the will of my Father, is my brother, sister and mother…” The Christian family of the Church welcomes all people – unmarried, formerly married or soon to be married. The Church invites all children to its fold: orphans, lost or never to be born. Mother Teresa knew about how to build a holy family with abandoned wives, lonely dying husbands and children who had never known their parents.

So what makes a “holy family”? The spirituality of family life is not about long hours of prayer and fasting. There are more than enough ascetic opportunities within family life to qualify anyone for sainthood. Changing dirty diapers, wiping runny noses, visits to the emergency room for stitches. In the developed countries, parents have to run around almost daily driving their children, with fast food sandwiches, in between piano lessons, soccer games and play rehearsals. Parents have to learn how to cry when a house pet dies, and sit through a three-hour recital at the kindergarten school Christmas celebration; parents have to wait at night for a teen out on a date; they have to save money for college tuition and agonize over whether to institutionalize an old parent with Alzheimer’s.

Family spirituality is about healing bruised egos, mending broken trust, and struggling with reconciliation. Family spirituality comes in mixed proportions of delights, struggles, and sorrows.  The challenges of living in a family are never ending: unexpected pregnancies, shaky marriages, parent-child conflicts, children leaving home early in their growing years, aging parents, sickness and death. It is encouraging to know that through the one truly Holy Family, God has experienced all of these. It was into family life – holy, human and messy as it is – that “Emmanuel,” “God with us,” came to dwell.The Eucharist brings us to the Family of the Church every week.  Eucharist means “thanksgiving”. We give thanks for our families, for traditions relived or maintained, memories held dear, stories shared, and meals that bond us together. Jesus took bread and wine and made them the most sacred meal that we Christians can share. And that makes us compensate for or forget the pain and passion of broken promises – and broken homes.

Bernie Siegel, in his book “Advice to live happily” has a very poignant and real life story. “Some years ago, I fell from the roof of my house and hit my head against the ground. When I came around, I saw a beautiful woman kneeling by my side, who said: ‘How are you feeling, honey? I asked her why she called ‘honey.’ She replied,’ ‘Because I am your wife!’ Then she introduced to me five beautiful children, saying that ‘They are ours!’ A little later, she helped me into the house – it was a fascinating place, with various pets, plants and beautiful pictures on the walls. The reason why I found and liked everything so much was that I had suffered ‘amnesia’ – I had lost my memory. I couldn’t remember anything those wonderful people might have done to me in the past. Everything seemed new and lovely. A year later, during which I enjoyed their company and place I was living in, I suddenly recovered my memory! And then I had to be helped by a psychologist to get adjusted to reality. Ever since that fall from the house roof, I have often thought, “how good it would be if I could wake up everyday with complete amnesia!”